


Charred

by TiamatZX



Series: Memoirs of Vax and Keyleth [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Haircuts, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Alternating, Scene Expansion, Scene Re-enactment, spoilers through episode 83
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:04:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9406850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiamatZX/pseuds/TiamatZX
Summary: Keyleth and Vax reflect on the horrible day that transpired in Emon as well as what the future may hold.A re-enactment and expansion of that beautiful final scene from “Episode 81: What Lies Beneath the Surface”. Also contains some spoilers to “Episode 83: The Deceiver’s Stand”.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’m at it again! The haircut scene in Episode 81 was simply too good to pass up in regards to writing about it. In fact, I’d have to say that it was Vax and Keyleth’s best moment to date. The love they feel for each other really shone through in that scene, especially with their rematch with Raishan on the horizon. And even if others don’t ship it, it was still a really tender and heartwarming moment that I felt was needed at that point in time. Also, after watching Episode 83, I was in awe at Keyleth’s much different approach in regards to Raishan. So I think that needs to be addressed in this fic as well.
> 
> Anyway, I ought to give credit where it is due and thank both of you (Liam and Marisha) for the inspiration in the first place. I always love it when you guys get to RP together, and also, my headcanon came true. Keyleth having short hair is now canon. I’m actually really happy that you chose to embrace that, Marisha. To me, the scene was more than consolation from Vax for everything that had been happening. It was also Keyleth leaning on him for support, like she always had been. It also served as a great parallel to the conversation in Episode 9, which served as the backbone for “Insight”.
> 
> So thank you both for giving me the inspiration to write a new fic. Also, Vax and Keyleth desperately need a vacation. Hopefully for a few weeks in someplace peaceful like Zephra.
> 
> I should also note for those who read this that I might be going back to this one to occasionally update it. So if you can, feel free to check in on this one now and again in case I do change things.

It was a horribly exhausting day, a day spent within the sulfurous and volcanic city that used to be Emon.  A day spent fighting for survival against the Cinder King and the dangers that loomed within the Cloudtop District. But even though Thordak had fallen, there was still an even greater danger on the horizon.

In her room in Castle Whitestone, standing in front of the mirror of the vanity table in her nightgown, Keyleth holds the Spire of Conflux in her hands and stares at her circlet on the table, lamenting over the day’s events. The Cinder King had proven to be an even more terrifying and dangerous opponent than they thought, but at the very least they had two months to prepare for this endeavor, which included gathering allies and the Vestiges of the Divergence. After a long, harrowing two months—and many,  _ many _ near-misses along the way—their preparations were complete... or so they thought.

They did not win the battle by their combined might alone because while they had the assistance of Zahra, Kashaw, Kima, Gilmore, and Jarett, there was another individual that they had forged an alliance with. And that individual was the one who released Thordak from the Plane of Fire in the first place which caused the destruction of Pyrah and most of the Fire Ashari to be exterminated. The one who attacked them first in Emon and forced them to flee because her might was too great. The one who used Whitestone and Vox Machina’s beleaguered state as leverage to ensure their allegiance in destroying Thordak. The one who ultimately turned on them all once the battle was won and Vax chose to attack her, to try to stop her from achieving her own goals.

The one who called herself the Diseased Deceiver, Raishan.

Keyleth’s eyes begin to water as she thinks back to that horrible confrontation. They were wounded and spent, most of their strength expended on Thordak. And yet, even though she told Vax to wait for her before attacking, Vax had interpreted her words differently from what their intent was and chose to strike first. And then when she flew even further into the tunnel and Keyleth and the twins chose to pursue, that was when everything began to go wrong starting with the impact of those meteors.

They clearly underestimated Raishan’s power as she used her magic to disappear and systematically remove the protection of the  _ Heroes’ Feast _ that would’ve shielded them from her poisonous breath. And even after the rest of the group—sans Kash and Zahra who stayed behind to stop the fire giants from interfering—managed to catch up and Devo’ssa was finally summoned by Scanlan, she had then proceeded to lay waste to them all, unleashing spell after powerful spell on them. They struggled to keep each other alive, but despite their best efforts Raishan had slain both Vex and Scanlan temporarily before Pike managed to revive them. She nearly killed Vax as well and would have if Keyleth hadn’t managed to save him from the burning lava. And when Raishan attempted to flee while clutching two dragon eggs, Keyleth tried to follow to give chase and aid the party best she could... only to have the ground break beneath her and have her plummet into a river of lava below her.

Keyleth could still feel the horrible pain that she endured from that fluke of a circumstance. She had managed to crawl out of the river but not without suffering some severe damage that was fortunately lessened by the fire resistance potion she drank earlier. And to make matters worse, they were repelled by an invisible wall. And by the time they figured out how to make the wall vanish, Raishan and Thordak’s corpse were already gone. The Diseased Deceiver had escaped with her prizes in tow. Keyleth had stood there in silence upon witnessing the absence of both, her vengeance having been ripped from her fingers when she was so close to achieving it. Burned and spent, she tried so hard to remain strong and not break down, to try to focus on their next course of action. It was only when Vax and Kerr—the blacksmith who acted as a mentor to her in Westruun—tried to comfort her did she allow herself to cry from the pain and exhaustion.

Keyleth stands there in front of the vanity table mirror, still clutching onto the staff as she stares at her reflection and the state she was in. Parts of her body were still burned by her sudden lava bath, though most of the burns were fortunately healed by Vax and Kerr’s healing magic. Her beautiful red hair, once long, was scorched and mostly gone, the blackened ends reaching down to her shoulders. Keyleth sighs, knowing that this was karma at work, punishing her for her own hubris. At the very least, she was still alive for the moment before they would all head out to fight Raishan once more after resting. She sighs again, tired and exhausted from the events of the day, all of her remaining willpower spent towards standing tall and not collapsing, to remain focused on the task at hand.

She and her allies were presented with a very difficult choice: to either pursue Raishan straight away while both sides were depleted but with a higher risk of someone dying permanently, or pursue her after resting in the hopes that they manage to catch her before she fully recovers. Keyleth herself had to make the call, and as far as she was concerned, she made the right choice; nearly dying in Thordak’s lair made her more cautious and wary of what was to come, especially after witnessing Raishan’s magical prowess even though she was diseased. She underestimated her once before, but not again.

_ But did I truly make the right call? _

She continues to stand in front of the mirror, lost in her own thoughts. She had been desperately trying to hold back her rage towards the Diseased Deceiver for weeks now, knowing that Grog was right about there being a proper time for her to let loose her fury. But then, in the back of her mind, a thought occurs to her.

_ Is this how Percy felt when it came to the Briarwoods? Is this what he felt when he wanted vengeance so badly? When he came so close to becoming like the very monsters he vowed to destroy? _

_ Am... Am I that close to feeling that same sensation? _

Keyleth’s eyes widen as she looks at herself in the mirror once more. Thinking back, she was acting no different from the gunslinger when she wanted to lash out at Raishan and wanted to kill her right then and there. But then Percy calmed her down, telling her that she had fared better compared to him. Deep down, she knew that he was wrong; her rage was far greater than his back then. She wanted that dragon bitch dead, no matter the cost. And it is only now, in this moment alone in her room, that she begins to understand the feelings her best friend felt.

Another thought occurs to her. While it was true that she desired revenge, she realizes that that desire was rather selfish of her. After all, she wasn’t the only one who suffered from Raishan’s actions. There were many other countless pockets of civilization that suffered as well, not just the people of Emon and the Fire Ashari. Countless others died because of the dragon’s machinations.

Keyleth, still clutching the staff, comes to an understanding that it is not revenge that matters, but rather that Raishan needs to answer for her crimes. It is not revenge, but justice that she yearns for.

For the first time since she learned about Raishan’s involvement in this whole ordeal, she understands.

_ If I kill Raishan out of need for vengeance, I’m no better than her. No, she needs to be brought to justice. She’s a very real danger to the rest of Exandria. And if we can’t stop her, who will? _

A soft knock sounds out from her door, distracting her from her inner thoughts.

“Come in,” she calls out. The door soon opens, and in the mirror she sees Vax walking in, out of his armor and looking equally exhausted.

“Hi,” is all Vax says as he approaches her.

“Hi,” she replies, not even needing to look back due to his reflection.

Keyleth soon notices that Vax was clutching a bottle in his hand which he soon places on the table. He then pulls out of his pocket the familiar shape of a certain dagger: Whisper. As soon as the blade comes into view she shudders briefly, thinking back to when that weapon was plunged into her back by Kynan at Glintshore. That small, legendary dagger had nearly stolen her life, but now it is in the hands of the man she loved with all her heart. Knowing that makes her relax a little more.

Vax’s other hand soon caresses the remnants of her charred locks as he says softly, “Have a seat.”

“Okay,” she replies just as softly. She does as she is told and sits down on the chair next to her, placing the staff aside. She continues to stare at herself in the mirror as Vax holds both Whisper and the ends of her hair in his hands. And then, to her surprise, he starts to grab hold of the edges and uses the Vestige to slowly cut the charred and burnt edges away. Keyleth sees Vax’s pained expression as he works, the thought of having to cut her hair that was beautiful to him no doubt hurting him.

“Do you like it shorter?” she asks as he continues his work. In all honesty, she never felt so self-conscious about her hair before. Fashion was never really a priority for her in the past. The only time she thought about it was the time where she went shopping for clothes with Vax so they could infiltrate the Velvet Cabaret in Vasselheim.

The memory brings a smile to her face, as does the moment when Vax had “proposed” to her. It was so silly at the time, yet it felt... right. She knew it was merely a ruse, but still, it made her feel happy that Vax wanted to do it. And she had accepted without much difficulty.

Vax thinks for a moment, considering how to answer her question, and then replies, “I like  **_you_ ** .”

Keyleth smiles again at his thoughtfulness. But then her smile fades as she notices his furrowed brow, a constant for Vax that she had noticed having traveled with him for this long now. It was something that he usually did when he had a lot on his mind or wanted to keep his thoughts to himself.

“You know, I see you doubting yourself,” Vax tells her as he keeps cutting, his tone soft and soothing. “I see it, Kiki. But I’ve no doubts in you. I’ve known you for a long time now. And I have seen the strength in you growing. And I’m a fan. You’re going to make a great leader someday.”

Keyleth could feel herself shrinking ever so slightly into herself. It was always flattering and so sweet of Vax to think that highly of her. But at the same time, she feels as if she still isn’t worthy enough to be a leader just yet, not after her desire to want to kill Raishan ended up costing so many people their lives, including Vex and Scanlan. And despite Vax’s and Kerr’s words to her, she still feels so much guilt.

“I just feel like there’s so many people I can easily disappoint, and I don’t want to,” she admits quietly and reluctantly.

She was going to be the leader of her tribe once her Aramente was complete. All she had left to do was to go to the Water Ashari and complete her training. And after that, she wasn’t sure what would happen. She would probably have to part ways with Vox Machina, a thought that often frightened her. They were her family for the better part of two years now, and despite the arguments and infighting they occasionally got into, they were still tied to the hip. But thinking of the possibility that she would eventually have to leave them all to return to Zephra to continue where her father left off always made Keyleth feel very unsure of herself.

_ I’m not ready to go back, I can feel it. I don’t want to leave any of them. And yet, I will have to eventually once there’s no reason for any of us to stick together. _

Vax pauses for a moment, still gripping her burnt hair, and soon says back to her as he continues cutting, “You’re doing the very best you can with what you’ve been given. And I have seen you rise again and again and not stop and not back down. And you fucking blow me away with the things you can do out there. You are beautiful, you are talented, and you are strong as fuck.”

Keyleth smiles a little, feeling the conviction behind Vax’s words, the meaning behind them as he continues.

“And I can’t take the doubt away. I can’t do that. But mix in with that my faith in you. Percy’s faith in you. Grog’s faith in you. Kerr’s. Vex’ahlia’s. Scanlan’s. Allura’s. All of ours. We are all behind you and we all believe in you. And we all love you. And obviously I love you.”

Hearing his words makes her want to cry. He has faith in her. They all have faith in her, a young woman who is easily prone to making rash decisions and having occasionally poor judgment. A woman who is led by what her heart tells her and not her mind. And yet... they all have faith in her.

It was then that Keyleth remembers a circumstance similar to this moment, the time when she talked about her distrust of Kima while they were in the Underdark and Vax spoke up, telling her that she was not alone. That she had a family with her. She remembers how understanding he was, and how supportive he was even long before he confessed his love to her.

And the moments they shared ever since he confessed, both large and small, were treasured moments in her heart. She remembers how it felt for her to love him and yet not have the courage to say it, to have her fear of losing him control her. It was not until after Tiberius had died that she had found that courage. And now she isn’t afraid to explore that love with him anymore.

“And I love you,” she replies. She then went on to say, “You know, um, everyone comes from these backgrounds, having all these well-ventured and traveled pasts. You were the first people that I knew and met.”

She smiles a little sheepishly. “So not only are you the longest, I don’t really have any other friends. You  **_are_ ** my family. I’ll try not to let you down.”

Vax smiles at her in the mirror as he puts away Whisper and moves around the chair to kneel down in front of her, running a hand through her hair. She could see in her reflection that all of the burnt edges were now cut away, leaving the rest of what remained clean.

“I’ve no worries. Look at you,” Vax tells her, still running a hand through her hair. “Don’t you look like royalty?”

“I’m not a princess, remember?” Keyleth reminds him with a smirk on her face. She never really liked being called a “princess” as she didn’t think of herself as one. Still, that didn’t stop the others from treating her like one, especially Tiberius when he was still with the group.

“That’s kinda what I like about you,” Vax replies, which draws out a slight chuckle from Keyleth. He was always so sweet, and she feels so happy that out of all the people she met in her life, Vax was the one she fell in love with. The two of them, despite their vastly different backgrounds, were clearly alike in so many ways. In fact, perhaps  **_too_ ** much alike. But still, it allowed them to relate to each other so well. She laments on how they could’ve had a lot more time to be happy if not for the dragons, the Raven Queen, and all the unfortunate events that transpired in-between. Despite those events, however, it allowed them to grow into the people they are now.

_ I might as well be honest with myself and admit that I would never take any of it back. _

“Would you do me a favor?” Vax soon asks her. “Down the line, once all this is behind us... will you go back to the theater with me?”

His sudden and rather non-sequitur request catches Keyleth off-guard for a moment as she stares at him, utterly confused as to why he’d say that now of all times. “What is it with you and the theater? Why?”

Vax shrugs. “I don’t understand it, either.”

Keyleth scoffs a little as she brings her hand up to match his hand that is still caressing her hair, staring at him with longing eyes. “Just as long as you go back to Zephra with me. Maybe?”

Vax replies with a smile, “You don’t have to ask.”

Keyleth smiles back, happy at his decision to go back with her when they had the chance. Ever since she first showed him the village from a distance, and ever since their reunion with her father, she had wanted to show him everything. But now that promise was set, assuming they survived the coming battle first.

“Does my hair look okay?” Keyleth then asks Vax, still feeling self-conscious about it.

“You kidding me?” Vax asks with an incredulous look on his face, puzzled at her statement.

“The short thing kinda works? It works with my bone structure? The antlers aren’t overpowering it, right? The length kinda balanced out this, you know? Maybe bangs? Actually, no. No bangs.”

Keyleth continues to babble nervously about her uncertainty regarding her new look as Vax abruptly kisses her, silencing the thoughts in her head. She knows that she always had a tendency to talk too much, and a part of her is thankful that Vax found a rather direct way to calm her down.

_ Gods, I love him so much. I honestly can’t believe it took me so long to realize it. _

She eases into the kiss, eagerly matching the level of affection he gave. This feeling of intimacy between them always makes her feel at peace, that she feels safe with him around. Even their first kiss together months ago during their raid on the castle, unexpected as it was, somehow felt right. It was a feeling that overwhelmed her briefly as she found herself lost in the moment until Percy had interrupted it.

_ To be fair, he was a little angry at Vax for endangering Cassandra’s life. Any brother would react in such a manner. I know Vax does when it comes to Vex. _

After a while, Vax breaks the kiss. “Kiki... I stand by what I said. We’re all behind you. We always will be.”

Keyleth nods. “I know. In fact, I’ve come to a realization.”

“What is it?”

She fidgets a little as she finds the words to say, and then replies, “I may have been going about this whole thing with Raishan the wrong way. I’ve realized that revenge is rather selfish, especially since I’m not the only one who suffered due to her actions. She needs to be brought to justice, before anyone else gets hurt.”

Vax nods understandably. “You’re right. That’s actually how I felt about Thordak recently. Still, a part of me feels pride for being the one to ultimately destroy him.”

“But pride can lead to ruin,” Keyleth replies. “We’ve seen it happen many times.”

“That being said,” Vax tells her, “I am glad you’re coming to that realization. It’s a sign that you’ve changed.”

She nods. “I have, haven’t I?”

“You have. I mean, look at the person you were years ago to who you are now. You’re much more understanding of the world around you, you’re not afraid of having to make the tough choices, and you’re no longer afraid of the path you’ve chosen to walk.”

Vax soon embraces her. “I’m proud of you, Keyleth.”

Keyleth looks at herself in the mirror and smiles.

_ He’s right. I  _ **have** _ changed. _

She returns the embrace. “Thank you, Vax’ildan. Thank you... for staying by my side. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done with my life if I never met you or the rest of Vox Machina. I probably would’ve become such a self-righteous bitch.”

Vax chuckles. “Probably. I mean, you still tend to be sometimes. But at least you’re aware of it.”

She breaks the embrace and stares at him with a pouty look on her face. “Hey! That’s mean!”

“I’m just being honest,” he replies.

Keyleth rolls her eyes. She then finds herself yawning, overcome with weariness as the exhaustion of the day begins to finally catch up with her.

“Tired?” Vax asks.

“Yeah,” she mutters sleepily. “It’s been a very long day. I don’t think I can do much more before collapsing.”

“Come on, then. To bed you go,” he tells her as she feels herself being picked up by Vax and carried to her bed. She can barely keep her eyes open as Vax tucks her in and kneels down next to her, the look in his eyes so full of adoration for her that it made her smile.

“Rest well, love. We have a big fight ahead of us,” Vax says with the gentlest of tones, running a hand through her hair. “And hopefully we’ll all make it out alive.”

“I hope so, too,” Keyleth replies as she finds herself drifting further and further into sleep. She then manages to pull Vax’s head close to her as she gives him one last kiss. “I love you, Vax.”

“I love you, too.”

Keyleth continues to smile as she finally surrenders to the exhaustion of the day, her eyes closing. And for the first time in a long while, her dreams are peaceful. She has no doubt that once he falls asleep as well, Vax would be dreaming the same dreams. Dreams of the two of them living a peaceful life free of dragons and death. Dreams of a future where they even raised a family together.

They were dreams worth making come true.

* * *

As Keyleth begins to sleep, Vax lets out a deep sigh that he had been holding for a long while. She looks so peaceful in her sleep, a gentle contrast to how she was several hours ago back in Emon. The look of defeat on her face when Raishan had escaped had broken his heart. In fact, it was just as heartbreaking as when he found himself awake and he found her sprawled on the ground with most of her hair burnt off, barely conscious, and her entire body scorched and burned. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that she fell into the lava and barely crawled out.

The entire confrontation was horrible. He knew that he did the right thing, that he had to try to stop Raishan. And yet, it was a personal failing on his part when his efforts were all for naught. In fact, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how horrible it was for everyone as he was unconscious for most of it. What he did see, however, was Scanlan lying there frozen solid. The sight of his dear friend dead inside the ice was more than he could bear, and he silently thanked the gods for Pike still being with them as she revived him.

Vax thinks back to the confrontation between Scanlan and himself, when the gnome started to blame him for everything going wrong. Vax had felt that he did what he had to do, that they all did so. But the look of hurt and hostility on Scanlan’s face wounded him deeply. He had pulled him aside and tried to explain things, even showing Scanlan the letter he had written in case he died. The bard’s words to him weeks ago, that everything was better compared to the beginning, were hard to believe in the early days of the Conclave’s occupation of several cities in Tal’Dorei. But over time, Vax started to believe in them. After all, he was not alone anymore. It wasn’t like the times he had shared with Vex’ahlia before they all became the S.H.I.Ts. He felt like he belonged with this ragtag group of misfits. He considered them all family.

Scanlan was right. Things were indeed better despite the tragedies that unfolded every day. And even more so once their dynamic began to change. For instance, after having gotten to know the group for a year, while he felt an attraction to Shaun and they seemed to hit it off right away, he never even considered the possibility that he would fall in love with someone else. And he never expected it to be with Keyleth, of all people. But over time, he developed a genuine emotional bond with her, something that he had only shared before with his twin. And then, that bond soon grew into something more, eventually culminating with him falling for her.

Despite his willingness to charge headlong into danger, a quality that the Raven Queen seemed to appreciate when she spoke with him in her temple, he was very patient when it came to Keyleth. He bided his time, never pushing, never forcing himself on her. When he came close to death against the Briarwoods, he had thought of her being beautiful and walking under the trees. He was so convinced that he was going to die at that moment and would have if not for Scanlan and Keyleth managing to give him the strength to get up and run to them. And when he was brought back from the brink of death during the siege of Castle Whitestone, he had the urge to admit his feelings for her, and in his muddled and dazed state did so and emphasized it with their first kiss. But realizing that he may have been a little too hasty, he decided to give her space and wait for her, to let her choose for herself.

And despite so much happening in the months since, despite almost losing Vex and his faith becoming inverted and now serving a goddess of death as opposed to a goddess of life, things truly began turning around for him, especially when Keyleth had summoned the courage to confess. He had started to believe that just being around her would ultimately be enough for him. But her coming forward with her feelings made him feel so happy. The last time Vax felt such happiness was when he spent the first ten years of his life with his sister and their mother. The last time he had allowed himself to be happy before the fates chose to make him their personal plaything, starting with Syldor taking them and Thordak killing his mother.

He sighs again, and stares at the charred edges of hair scattered on the floor. Her hair that he himself had cut. It had hurt for him to do such a thing, but he wanted what was best for his beloved. He then looks back at Keyleth’s sleeping face, and then to the hair on her head that remains. Even with her hair being shorter now, she was beautiful, every bit like a princess even though she always said she wasn’t. But she was indeed royalty in his eyes.

_ A princess like her honestly doesn’t deserve someone like me. But still, the fact that she chose me over others means a lot. She deserves to live to see everything come to fruition. Her desire to avenge her people and bring Raishan to justice, her Aramente, her wanting a future with me. All of it. _

He stands up and walks to the charred strands of hair on the floor, taking the time to pick them all up. He holds them in his hands and, after some deliberation, chooses to weave them together. He had plenty of practice when it came to braiding Vex’s hair on a constant basis, so this was no difficult task. Within minutes, he comes up with a thin but sturdy chain of her blackened but still beautiful hair that he soon wraps around his wrist, a trinket to remember her by along with the mark of her hand on his back, still there after all this time. He knew that if he were to ever be apart from her, he'd only have to think back to when he asked her to do that. It was proof that no matter the distance, they would be inseparable.

Feeling satisfied, he removes his shirt and boots and soon goes under the covers on the other side of Keyleth’s bed, wisely choosing to give her space so that he doesn’t wake her. As he lays there, he mulls over what was to come. Their rematch with Raishan would happen soon, and they all needed to be at their best so they could finish her off. They had to finish things, or else something far worse could occur. 

_ She will pay for what she did, love. That’s a promise to you, to your people, and a promise to myself. _

Vax smiles once more at Keyleth’s sleeping form, and joins her in slumber himself.


End file.
